I don't know what it is, but for the past couple of months I have felt so shut up in this bubble called Wichita, KS. Almost to the point where I want to scream, jump into Diego (my white '94 Honda Accord) and drive as far as that little car will take me. And then, once Diego dies on the freeway, I'll jump out and run as far as I'm physically able. I'm going stir-crazy!!
Reality check: I can't. I'm going to WSU. I'm living at home because I can't afford to live in the dorms. I make my own coffee and tea in the morning so I can save money instead of getting it at Starbucks. I don't go on spontaneous trips because, between work and classes, I don't have time - and even if I did have time, oh ha! I still couldn't afford to go. I feel like everything I'm doing in life right now is going to help me in the future, but it doesn't give me any fun right now!
But then I remember something - I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. God specifically has me in Wichita, KS at this very moment. This year, He has made it very clear that He wants me at WSU for college. He told me to live at home. He gave me the best job I've ever had! He's given me a car that works perfectly. He's provided money for me every time I needed it. Why the heck am I complaining if this is where God has me?!
So OK, now that I know I'm right where God wants me, I know that I should be living my life with joy and contentment!! Why is that always the hardest part? Beats me. But in doing so, I'm proving that I truly trust in the Lord. He knows what my dreams are, but ultimately what I want is what He wants. So that list of different countries I want to visit someday....it's His.
Girl, these feelings are real. I think it's great you worked through them and evaluated them according to God's Word. The Truth is that having any or all of those things wouldn't make you happier than knowing you right in His will. Yay you for recognizing this so young.
ReplyDeleteI'm reading a book right now that reminds me of your question about why it's hard to live in joy and contentment. The author reviews scripture and realizes Eve's sin was born out of discontent...not being satisfied with all God *did* provide on the garden. We now struggle with this on every area of our lives. The author has found, through experience and the Word, the way to live joyfully is to give thanks. In her words, "thanksgiving always precedes the miracle."
Thank you for sharing your heart. Praying for you tonight!
Love,
rachel winn