Christmas 2010

Even before the season began, I knew it would be different. New people, new traditions - nothing wrong with that! In fact, I was actually excited to be trying new things this year. And although a few things were different, there were still some things that remained the same. For example, my grandfather reading Twas the Night Before Christmas to the family on Christmas Eve. He may be getting older and his legs may not be "as good as they once were", but he will be down on the floor reading it by candlelight to the little ones as long as he possibly can. It was special.

Christmas day finally came - not as early in the day as it used to, which was fine with me. Let's just say we were all pretty beat last night and were ready for a good night's rest. I still get so excited when I come down the stairs and see the fire crackling in the fireplace, the tree all lit up and the gifts creating that final touch to a perfect Christmas scene. I gave what I could, received much more than I could have hoped or dreamed for, was completely humbled and blessed, and thanked God over and over again for His gifts and the amazing people He has placed in my life. And for continuing to show His mercy on His children.......I love Christmas.

The signature gift of the season: a Keurig. An amazing invention that brews one cup of coffee/tea at a time. You pick the flavor, it does the rest! Even now as I write to you all, I am anxiously awaiting the first sip of the Hazelnut coffee. I'm only waiting because it is searing hot and I'd rather not burn my tongue when I'm already having such a good day.

I hope you all are having a very Merry Christmas celebrating the day with your loved ones.

Many blessings as you go about the season!

Victoria

P.S. the Hazelnut coffee is pure bliss

Why?

I tried.

Not as hard as you wanted me to.

I saw.

Not what you wanted me to.

I understand.

But not the way you do.

I hear.

Everything.

I speak.

Words fall on deaf ears.

I beg.

The truth reveals my fears.

I cry.

You feel my tears.

Yet you do...

Nothing.

It's been half.

You've done Nothing.

I've felt Everything.

And here we are.

Wondering.

Why?

A little bit of Miss Austen

How quick come the reasons for approving what we like! - Persuasion

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. - Pride and Prejudice

"'A man would always wish to give a woman a better home than the one he takes her from; and he who can do it, where there is no doubt of her regard, must, I think, be the happiest of mortals.'"

- Emma

To look almost pretty is an acquisition of higher delight to a girl who has been looking plain the first fifteen years of her life than a beauty from her cradle can ever receive. - Northanger Abbey

When the romantic refinements of a young mind are obliged to give way, how frequently are they succeeded by such opinions as are but too common and too dangerous!

- Sense and Sensibility

These are just a few of my many favorite quotes as written by Jane Austen. No one speaks or writes words like these anymore. It's almost like a lost art whose only means of survival is through these classic stories written ages ago. And it will live on if I have anything to say about it.....

Dream on

I love Christmas. You remember how when you were a little kid and everything about the season just seemed so magical? Everything was lit up, everyone was smiling and the house never ever ran out of goodies to eat - it was all so beautiful! Well, bloggers, call me crazy - but I still think there's magic in this season and I always will.

I don't know why, but lately, I've been trying to be realistic about life and everything in it. I thought that maybe by keeping a realistic point of view, and stifling the dreamer inside me, that maybe I wouldn't get my hopes up so often.

But I don't always like being a realist! Shoot dang, I want to dream! And I want to believe that in anything, even the Christmas season, things can change. After all, God can do whatever the heck He wants - including making the seemingly-impossible, possible.

So dream on bloggers, dream on!

P.S... (pure coincidence) perhaps you could listen to Aerosmith for inspiration

STATE CHAMPS!!

After making it to state two years in a row, Heights Falcons can finally say that they're 6A State Champions!! It just had to be the year after I graduated, but we won't get into that.....

They ended up playing against the same team they played last year, who happened to be the defending state champions like 10 times - Olathe North.

But we wailed on them so bad, it was glorious!!

F-A-L-C-O-N-S! (SWITCH!!!) F-A-L-C-O-N-S!!!

FALCONS, FALCONS, FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!!

We hail the banner red and black to the glories of our school! Our loyalty we pledge to thee shall always be our rule!! FIGHT FIGHT! So charge ye Falcons down the field. Your courage we must see! Our honor you must hold on high hail on to victory!!

I've always wanted to go to Egypt. ALWAYS. Some day I'm going to see these places:

It won't be for a really long time, but one can dream.

life-saver

Life-saver!!!

interview!

Well today has been pretty darn productive....finally.

Went to class, took a test that I felt fairly good about. I mean really, how can you feel good about taking a test? On more than one occasion, I have taken a test, felt good about it, only to find out later that I completely bombed it! And then other times, I'll take a test, feel awful about it and then find out that I did great! It's a messed up system.

But the biggest thing I did today was go to a job interview! I felt confident - it was going to work out! I walk in (only after figuring out that they had to buzz me in - I nearly ran into the door), and then awaited my appointment. I tried not to think of how nervous I was by watching the weather channel (it was just on the TV).

I left the building (after finding out that they had to buzz me out too - I nearly ran into the door again on my way out), feeling relieved that the questioning was over! It's completely out of my hands, but I trust that God will put me where He wants me. First and foremost, that's what I want as well.

not bored

So sorry I haven't updated all of my followers on what's been going on lately :)

School: It's going well! I've had a few tests that I've done pretty good on for the most part and the homework really isn't so bad, which is another way of saying that I barely have any, but when I do I don't complain because it's not hard at all really.....in short - I love college.

This morning, I felt like I had SO much to accomplish today. I was eating breakfast with my good friend, Kelly, and I was going through a list of things I felt like I needed to do. Apparently, the list was a lot smaller than I originally thought. So I'm currently sitting in my room trying to come up with something to do......

That sort of reminds me of when I was a kid. I could never mention the word "bored" around my mom for fear of her putting me to work. She'd instantly come up with some odd job that needed to get done around the house. I think I speak for all kids in America when I say that when we say "I'm bored", what we're really saying is "I'm done watching TV and messin around on the computer, and I can't figure out what fun thing to do next."

Why could moms never EVER hear it that way??

apple pie

I did not make this.....but I wish I had

2 reasons

I feel like I've violated some kind of blogging law for not updating in nearly a month. Yikes!

Well as long as I'm on here typing, I might as well bring you all up to date on what's been happening in my world! School has been great! I love college - my class was actually cancelled so while I would normally be sitting and listening to a pointless lecture, I am blogging. Feel special.

But I'm especially excited for two reasons. 1. It's officially Autumn!! You know what that means?! Cooler weather. I cannot even begin to describe how READY I am for colder weather. I'm ready for scarves, I'm ready for coats and I'm ready for that fall crispness in the air.

Reason number 2. My cousin Ashley and our friend Dean are coming to stay the weekend!! I don't know what we're going to do, but it'll be a good weekend for sure.

Stay tuned next week for a post on what I ended up doing over the weekend!

school-girl crush

The love saga on Hallmark has been playing ALL week long :) they have helped to get me through the week

But it's been this young man that helped out the most

Thank you Logan Bartholomew for all your help :)

all ten fingers

Well God has certainly shown me a few things this past weekend. It's amazing how I never knew how tightly I was holding on to something until I didn't have it anymore.

My aunt shared a beautiful poem with me - I wish I had the words for you, but I can share with you the message. It was a poem about giving up the idols that we create for ourselves and how God can never give us the treasures in life that He wants us to have when we come to Him with our fists tightly clenched, holding on to worthless idols that don't matter. So we have to open up our hands, all ten fingers, and drop whatever's there. Then you wait and watch as God fills them up with His blessings.

I didn't realize it until she recited the poem to me, but I had been holding on to the worthless idols I had created. It was even more evident when the idols were gone. It was so obvious - if I wasn't holding on too tightly, then why was I hurting so much?

I don't think you can just give the situation to God though in one special, emotional moment and all of a sudden you feel better and never have to think of it again. oooooh no! Think again! I find myself giving it back over to God every time it comes to mind! And I'm still doing it! But as long as I keep doing it, instead of doing nothing at all, I figure I'm good :)

Day 1

First day of college. Didn't really feel like it at all. I guess I can own up to the fact that I expected to feel like a college student, at least! But that didn't even happen. When I woke up this morning, I didn't feel older, I didn't feel wiser, I didn't feel more mature...it never happened!

Instead, I got a bunch of butterflies in my stomach and the urge to run back home and crawl back in bed to hide from the unknown for the rest of my life. What IS that?! Definitely not me....I'd normally jump at the chance! Everyone does! It's COLLEGE for crying out loud! a.k.a FREEDOM! The beginning of living a life on your own!

But I'm not really. I'm not about to be an adult. I'm only paying thousands of dollars to take harder classes so I can be smarter. But I'm not about to be an adult.

Freshmeat

Here we go again. Four years ago, I was a freshman in high school - completely and utterly afraid for my life every time I walked through those double doors, I was afraid of my hectic schedule and I was afraid of failing epically. And now after finally getting to the top rung of the ladder, I'm at the bottom again.

Only this time, I'm a freshmen at a much bigger school. Although I have more experience dealing with the large crowds of people, the studying, the busy schedules...etc., I still feel completely out of my league in college. Is it ridiculous that I have to give myself a pep talk before going on campus....every single time? It's always along the lines of, "OK Victoria, you got this! Put on your confident face, look like you're on a mission...don't take 'no' for an answer. You can do this! If thousands of people before you could do it, then you can too!" It tends to help me muster up just enough confidence and self-esteem to do what I came to do. And then I go home and want to be by myself because I'm worn out and need to relax.

Classes start on Thursday, so sooner or later I'm gonna have to get the hang of this. Books are still missing, letter to go get the books went MIA....I've got my work cut out for me!

:'(

I thought I'd be a lot more excited about college. I always envisioned it being the time where I moved out, left my home and family for a little while, left everyone else I knew, and went off into the unknown to discover what God had in store for me. Key word being "left".

But I don't get to "leave". I get to "stay", which wasn't a part of my original plan. My plans were taking me out of town, to a different college than the one I'm attending now. I was going to live in the dorms, I was going to meet new people. I was going to have this freedom that one can only get when they're away for college.

God said 'no way!' Suddenly I find myself dreading this time. It's going to be harder than I expected. I thought I was going to do the leaving, but now everyone's leaving me instead. That's the hardest thing to face in all of this. And I know not everyone is leaving - they just happen to be the people that are closest to me and that I love the most. It feels like because they're going off and getting this whole new experience, that they're moving on in life a lot quicker than me. I don't want to be the one that's left behind. But I am.

I keep telling myself 3 things:

1. I will be richer than them - I'm going to be living at home, which cuts down about half the cost.

2. I still have most of my family in town, while they will all be away from theirs.

3. I WILL see them again.

#3 I'm still iffy about though. While it's true I'll see them again, this is the last time I'll see them as we are now. Because they're going to grow and I'll hopefully grow and we'll all change in some form of fashion.

*sigh* life's a mess. I'm trying so hard not to look at it like I'm being abandoned. I have to look at the bright side, but it's just not looking so bright from here....

Victim of sleep deprivation

Having an 8 week old puppy is just like raising a child. There are so many similarities! First of all, there's the whole "potty training" thing. Can I just say that that's been an insane adventure in itself? Let me elaborate. To prevent Toby from piddling on everything except the grass where he's supposed to do it on, we have to try and gauge exactly when he's going to go do his business. The first few times were very random though, so consequently he had a few accidents.

He finally started to get the hang of it! But his bladder is about the size of a pea. So he'd wake us up with his whining at 4:45 am, wanting to get out of the kennel. Because he's such an early rise, we've had to camp-out in the living room, near his kennel. For the past two nights I have slept on the living room floor, in a sleeping bag, without my comfortable mattress. ---> not ideal. But then I look at his sweet little face and I remember how much I love him and can't say 'no'. He must have planned that....the little booger.

Today's looking to be an eventful day. I'm headed to a funeral for a friend of mine that died. Max McCutcheon was my friend from high school - we were both in marching band together and did lots of other things with music. He was on his way home from KC when his truck rolled somehow ( I don't know the full story). He was thrown and killed right there on the turnpike. I can't believe he's actually gone - that someone that I knew fairly well would die. I had just seen him at work a few weeks prior! It seems so surreal at times. But I sincerely hope and pray that he had a relationship with the Lord. He'd come to me with questions about my faith, or when he needed encouragement. I could never quite figure out where he was in his faith, but I hope he heard me and I hope he's a part of God's drum line now.

Toby

OK. So if you read my last blog, (if you haven't, you can use the extra energy and scroll down just a tad) you'd know that I was already a "rebel" - with permission, of course. Now, this post isn't about another way that I exhibited my rebellious, teenage ways. More of another change that has been made in my daily life.

Ya, that's right. You probably can't even guess it - so I'll just go ahead and tell you since I am literally jumping out of my socks with excitement! (no, I am not actually wearing socks. It is summer and it's been around 110 degrees to be exact. Only idiots where socks in the middle of August, and I for one am not an idiot)

Back to my previous point! I'm excited! Because we got a new puppy!! In case you couldn't tell by the name of this post, his name is Toby. He started out as our imaginary dog that we dreamed of getting, and he is now reality!

I have pictures to prove it too! Looky looky!!

He likes to crawl all over us when we get down on the floor. He's such a sweet little pup and we're so excited that he's a part of our family.

Many more smiles are on the way thanks to this little guy!

act of "rebellion"

This week has been so much fun!

Some of my family from NC came down for a while and we've just been making the most of every opportunity by hanging out with one another.

Last night we had a late night swim party and today......drum-roll please.......

we got piercings!

TADAAA!

I went and got a double. There's some definate *bling bling* goin on....

it's like a party on your ears!

*gag*

Why is it that we always get perspective when life gets real crummy? That's why I can never regret when bad things happen to me. It's like I get too caught up in my "happy-go-lucky" world where "everyone smiles" and "magic falls from the sky".

*gag*

But as soon as something unplanned or serious happens, reality hits me like a ton of bricks. I once again start to prioritize my life and get back to the things that truly matter. Just thought I'd share my food-for-thought with the wonderful world of blogging!

On a lighter note....I got a new job! I am officially done with food/retail for the rest of my life (Lord willing). My new position is part of the executive assistant role to the worship pastor at my church. While my mother takes on all of the administrative and choral duties, I will carry out the entire media portion, with the help of the ITT Tech guys that volunteer for us :) I couldn't deal with the sound board without their help!

Let's hope and pray that I can do it as well as the job itself demands!

Jobs?

I have officially quit my job! YAY! It was definitely time to do that. I have a job that will take a few hours a week as of right now, but until I can find another part time job for the school year I'm stuck doing odd jobs. I'm not complaining though, trust me. Odd jobs are surprisingly more appealing than my last job.

For those of you that follow my blog and actually know who I am, if you know of anyone that needs a babysitter or if you know of a job that I might be interested in (here's a hint - no food and no retail. I prefer an office setting) just let me know! The reason I say no food or retail is because I've had experience in both areas, and they're just not me.

God will provide, I'm not worried...

huh?

I love fireworks. I really do! Just not while they're exploding in the air right next to my bedroom window as I'm trying to go to bed. I remember the good old days. You know, the days when they had that ban on certain fireworks right around my current location. Much to our "surprise and joy" the ban is no longer.....and every minute of the Fourth of July I feel like I'm caught in the middle of this huge battle and I'm being shot at. So not ideal.

After attempting sleep more than once, I finally got my way. I didn't get up until noon! I was suffering from sleep-deprivation but now I'm cured! The house was still quiet so I decided to surf the internet (something I'm good at). I went to check up on my blog and got sidetracked when I started checking out other blogs that I follow, or that my friends follow. Did you know that they give out awards?? People even get sponsors for their blogs!! People pay money to put up ads too!

Clearly I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I created my blog. And there's still so many things that I don't understand - like the awards, sponsors, ads, how to get a button that people can grab off your blog....etc. BUT! I am not at all opposed to learning everything there is to learn about this wonderful newly-enlightened world of blogging.

Help is very much appreciated in this great undertaking

Seattle

After spending a week in Seattle, it's now one of my favorite cities! There so much to do there, so many new things to try and experience....and in a whole new setting! I put an album up on facebook, so if you're friends with me you should definitely check them out. But here's a few too share, just for kicks and giggles.

We were SO water deprived, it was crazy!

The original Starbucks, founded in 1971

The Space Needle, where we ate lunch and then admired the gorgeous view from the observation deck at the very t0p.

All around, a good week and a good trip!

Michael ♥ Buble

His concert was AMAZING! I absolutely loved it! I think I might have loved the live band almost as much as I loved seeing Michael....almost ;)

I mean just look at that face......he's incredibly charming. What better way to complete a girl's night out, than by throwing Michael Buble into the the schedule?? I can't think of a better way.....can you?

Mama Lou - I'll miss you

This week hasn't started out the way I would want it to. Sunday, I found out that my great-grandmother, Elizabeth (she is known to my family as Mama Lou), died some time Saturday night. This was extremely hard to hear, considering the fact that Käte, Mom, Dad and I were all headed to visit her in just a week. I wish I could have actually met her at least once, but it was all in God's timing.

I'm trying to distract myself so I won't think about that or anything remotely sad. Last night I had a great time with my friends at Mandy's house! Can anyone say "Stir-fry and lettuce wraps"??? She did an amazing job, and if you go to her blog, you can see a few pictures of her delicious creations!

Pedicures were also on the to-do list. We thought it would be fun to go and primp before we go to the MICHAEL BUBLE concert on Wednesday night. I cannot wait! Then it's just a few more days til my sisters leave for the Challenge Conference in Ohio, and then we get to fly to Seattle!

just not fast enough

Tonight was definitely a good night. I hung out with one of my good friends and together we babysat my youth pastor's two daughters.....which actually turned into babysitting one. Q (the oldest by 4 months) got real excited that people came to see her and decided to stay up a half hour later than her little sister. After playing endlessly, looking like idiots trying to keep Q entertained, making the wierdest noises ever...she finally went down and we got to have some much-needed chat time :)

And now it's like a girls night at my house (oh wait! It's like that every night!) Ah yes.....the excuse to eat however much of whatever we want, the only time we can walk around the house with green goo on our faces because we're trying the latest facial mask and a good reason to stay up late in front of the television.

While I absolutely LOVE these times, I can't help but look forward to this weekend and how much I wish it had already passed. Between working late both nights and both of my best friends being out of town having more fun than me, things just aren't looking up. I'll make it through alright......just not fast enough :/

Visual Aid

Ok so I know for a fact that I have said more than once "I'll put a picture up here soon!". Sadly, I am the type of person that says I'll do something....and then it never gets done! So this post is all about redeeming myself

This was me at prom! and another even cooler picture.....

Need I say more?

I promise I'll put pictures up when I say I will....I'm turning over a new leaf

Nights like these

There were so many possibilities. Have a fun night out with my best friend....go to a party/concert....go visit with a few other friends. None of them happened! Perhaps I didn't try hard enough, who knows.

So instead of choosing one of those wonderful activities with my amazing friends...I wound up staying at home. I actually sat in this old chair I've got in the corner of my room with the lights off. I was alone...and I had a 5-minute pity party. But that was earlier this evening. It's 11:30 and it hasn't progressed one bit.

I drove myself to Sonic and ordered a delicious Sonic Blast (with Reese's Peanut butter cups)...for one :/ I came home and planted myself on the couch down in my basement. Instinctively, I reached for the remote, turning on the television and flipping through channels just waiting for something to catch my eye. After about an hour of searching, I finally settled on a cheesy romantic Hallmark movie. What would I do without them??

what now?

Whew!! The graduation madness is finally over! I'll admit it was really very stressful and tiring, but I had a blast! My family (whom I haven't seen in a few years) came in to town to help me celebrate that weekend and that made it even more special for me!

So what am I doing now that school is over with and I supposedly have nothing to do?? Well, I am actually doing quite a bit! I'm working a few nights during the week - that's always 'fun'. I've been doing some necessary cleaning.....hitting the pool :D ya know....the works!

brief snapshot of the next few weeks

People always told me that these last few months in high school would be the fastest. I believed them, but I think I'm more of a believer now than ever before! These next few weeks are going to be the busiest ones of the year! Starting next week, I'll have something going on ALL the time. Afternoon/night practices for our schools variety show every day, shows thursday, friday and saturday, AP government test, MAJOR house cleaning, moving the sister back from college, final days of classes and award ceremonies....the list is endless!And while I don't think my schedule can take much more, I don't mind one bit.

There are some things that I'm getting very frustrated/anxious about however. I don't remember if I've mentioned this before, but I applied for a new job over the summer. It's a full time, $9.75 an hour clerk job out at the AFB. I really REALLY really want this job. I turned in the application at the beginning of March and we're not supposed to hear about it until the beginning of May, which is just around the corner!! Only problem - I have absolutely no idea how much time I'll be allowed to take off if I end up getting the job. There are some things I want to do, places I want to go.....deadlines are coming up and I don't even know if I'll be available. I'm losing patience....never a good thing!

around the corner

Two weeks. That's all there is. I can hardly believe it. I've spent most of my life the past four years in this building...learning new things, not just about school but about life too. I've waited for this time all during those four long years. I've wished over and over again to just skip ahead into life and arrive at graduation day. Well, today's not graduation day, but it's just around the corner.

I can't explain this feeling. Everything I'm used to will be different after graduation. I'm finally going to be in charge of my own life!! Absolutely anything can happen! That's what's most exciting! But at the same time, it will be a struggle. While it is my life and I'll get to make my own decisions, I cannot forget whose life I'm trying to live out day to day. I want my first instinct to be to pray and ask Him to reveal to me what He wants for me. I want to get close enough to hear Him whisper how much He loves me and what His will is for my life. I just need the self-discipline to do what I know I should.

P.R.O.M. ♥

Prom has come and gone and I still can't believe it. I guess it's just one of those things that you think about all year long....and then it sneaks up on you and before you know it, it's all over!....sorta like weddings I think. Except proms are less memorable.

I'll post a picture of me in my dress. With the help of my mom and sisters, we successfully accomplished the "Veronica Lake and Audrey Hepburn" look! The dance was a lot of fun. I turned down four different guys that wanted me for their date....but whatever! I didn't want to go with any of them, so me and my friend Ashley were a pair! We were apart of this big group that went to Applebees for dinner (haha!) and rode in an amazing limo to the Hawker Beeachcraft Activity Center. Then came afterpom until 3 am! My sister Jessica went with us to that....I'm still trying to catch up on sleep.

Needless to say, it was a great weekend! :)

"spend" time - don't "make" it

I cannot wait for my life to belong to me again and not my school. It seems like the closer I get to freedom (a.k.a. graduation) the busier and busier I get. Basically, school and church have consumed my schedule....mostly school. That's just wrong. I guess that's where I get so frustrated.

Why is it so hard to spend time with God? Nowadays, we've resorted to "making" time for God instead. Do we really believe that watching that TV episode, running those errands, or checking that facebook is really more important than takng 10 minutes out of the day for the Creator of life?? Our Savior?? Our Reason to live??

I'm not trying to sound like I have it all together. You're probably thinking to yourself, "If she's so serious about spending time with God everyday, then why is she blogging instead of going out and doing something about it?" Truth, is...I haven't had a quiet time with the Lord for the longest time. And I miss Him. I know He's there, but that closeness isn't there. How do you become good friends with someone?....you spend time with them.

From now on, I am going to spend time with the Lord at least 4 days a week. I'm telling you this because you are all my witnesses. I've made broken commitments just like this in the past - I'm determined to start over.

Acts of Kindness

Today was great!
I woke up and went to church - we were helping to package food for Haiti with a company called NUMANA. It was tons of fun! I went and was working at a table with my grandparents, my parents, and some other adults that are friends of ours. I was in charge of scooping out rice and pouring a cup into the bag. I did this for a few hours, but I wasn't complaining!

Instead, I was thinking back to last summer when I went with my youth group to Salt-Lake City, Utah. We were at an Evangelical Church of America conference. One afternoon, all we did for like 5 hours was do package food for third-world countries. That wasn't even our original plan for that afternoon! Our plan was to take naps and maybe workout some...but do nothing important. But my and my friend Lydia started to feel guilty...so we went to the food-packaging and had a BLAST!

Anyways, I was reminded of how fun it actually was while I was working the table today. It felt good to get away from my own little world and go do something for other people - people that really need our help! So if you're reading this, I hope that his might offer some encouragement to do the same thing. Just go out and do something for someone! You might be surprised....

blown tire

Today was a very educational day. I felt like I learned a lot of things and I got things accomplished! I haven't felt this good about myself in quite a while!

The first experience was this afternoon. My mom had schedule her hair appointment at around 3 pm - right at the time when my youngest sister Rebekah had to be at a band sectional. So my mom asked me to drop her off for her. The rehearsal was only going t last for about 15 minutes so the plan was for me to sit in the car and wait for Rebekah to get done. Then, I'd go to school and pick up my other sis (Jessica) and take everyone home. Basically, my name for the day was 'chauffuer'.

I grabbed a few magazines, my ipod, and I left the house to drop off Rebekah. I then proceeded to run over an iron grate that was in the middle of the road, consequently, blowing out my tire. We had to pull over in the Home Depot parking lot so I could survey the damage. it wasn' pretty, lets just put it that way...

called my dad. took him 1/2 an hr to get to us from where he works. Rebekah and I figured that of all the places to get stranded, we were in the best spot. It was close to home, there was a car place just down the street, we were at Home Depot where "manly men" go shopping, AND the YMCA was right next door where "manly men" workout! :D we had fun.

the educational point to this story was that I learned how to change a tire....i don't think i mentioned that....

"cast all your anxiety on him....."

Another Monday, another day of that placed called "high school"....i don't know how much more of it i can take. luckily, i only have a little over a month left anyways. i just hope i can survive until then.

i finally look normal again after my wisdom teeth were removed. just a few bruises here and there, but the swelling is gone! i can face the public again.

in my life right now i have so much going on in life - it's keeping me awake at night. i literally cannot sleep because i'm thinking about everything going on - last night especially. i was lying in bed last night, pondering my thoughts and feelings, running through my schedule, thinking about the future...it was crazy! i began to feel very anxious. it's like life is so boring right now, and i feel like something big is coming....and i want it to come more than anything! but i don't even know what it is...

i couldn't stand it anymore. so i picked up my Bible, flipped to the back, and look up the verses that fell under "anxiety (anxious)". i read these two that gave me great comfort

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you."

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

PRAY

My ginormous cheeks are finlly starting to die down! Praise Jesus! But really feeling a bit depressed. There's been a lot of death over this spring break though. A family whose kids went to East died in a tragic car accident. Only one daughter survived and she's now paralyzed from he waist down. And the football coach from Heights (my high school), his daughter, Regan, crashed her golf cart into a barb-wired fence. She crushed her skull and they took her off of life support this morning. It's hard to complain about my condition when there's is so much worse...so if you read this then be praying for their families. No one should have to go through something like that. But it's in God's hands and He has a plan.

Hot moisture

Hot moisture is what I'm going to be working on for the nex few days. Apparently, after the first 24 hours, ice won't do a whole lot. So doctors recommend Hot moisture to help take down the swelling. I don't have any pain except for when I look in the mirror! Having chipmunk cheeks is probably the worst part about this whole thing! I reall hope it goes away by Sunday morning. The last thing I want to do is to go to church looking like I was beat up. :(

salt-water rinses

Ok so I'm going on day two without my wisdom teeth. Of course, the operation itself really wasn't that bad - but at the same time I knew that the recover was going to be the worst part. Turns out I was totally right. Although, my older sister definately had a worse time in recovery than I'm having now.

The antibiotic and the Motrin com very so often....but no Loritab was necessary! I pride myself on that. I also began the salt-water rinses today. Yes, three times a day I take sips of warm water with 1 teaspoon of salt thrown in. So delicious...oh yes and did I mention that this was the last spring break of my high school career? I'm really enjoying it

Day 1

well today was it. the first day without the wisdome teeth.

waking up from the surgey was a trip...i woke up and was listening to the nurses talk about their boyfriends. And then the patient next to me was talking about HER boyrfriend too! They were everywhere! and i actully felt left out! God must have a sense of humor....

i should be in bednow, so i'll update more tomorrow - when the swelling worsens...

Looming doom of death

Went out and got the AWAKENING CD with my mom the other day - I can't stop listening to it!!

I have about two more days of freedom before I go under (a.k.a get my wisdom teeth removed). I've been trying to prepare my mom for all the materials that I know I'll need. Yes, I hate to say it, but I am actually quite nervous for the surgery. I can handle a sudden appendectimy, but at the same time I didn't see that one coming. With my wisdom teeth, the thought of this appointment coming has been looming in the back of my mind for the past month. Don't you hate that?! I'm praying for a quick recovery - because the last thing I want to do is spend my senior spring break in bed for a week looking like a retarded chipmunk. That's just not my idea of fun.

So before the surgery I'm goin to get a pedicure and then afterwards, I'll get my hair done. Sort of as a "Hey, way to survive!!" thing. I'm going to have tons of fun blogging about this! You'll definately want to read about what I'm going through this week.

Awakening

The Passion 2010 CD - Awakening - is finally out!! Actually, it came out yesterday. Because I was there over the new years for almost a week or so, I really want the CD as a reminder of the AMAZING worship that I took a part in while we were in Atlanta, GA. Here are my favorite songs out of the 12 on there: Awakening - Chris Tomlin, Say, Say - Kristian Stanfill, Our God - Chris Tomlin, How He Loves - David Crowder Band, Healing Is In Your Hands - Christy Nockels, YOu Alone Can Rescue - Matt Redman, Chosen Generation - Chris Tomling, With Everything - Hillsong UNITED.



Those are just my favorites. But when I get the CD I'm sure that I'll end up loving all of them. My plan is to go home today to convinve my mother to use her credit card so I can order it online today. Perhaps she knows of a website where I can get it for a really cheap price...hhmm....

anchor*ed

The retreat was awesome!! I love these weekends when I can just disappear and think through my life and my relationship with Christ! They've been a huge blessing in my lfe. Lots of memories have been made at Westminster Woods, and I sincerely hope that there are still more to come!

Four-day week at school comin up! I'm pretty sure I can survive until this weekend. I have my concert comin up on Sunday...the wisdom teeth wll be removed next week. I want you all to know tthat I'll be doing oe of those series-posts on the wisdom teeth next week. It'll probaby run from the day of removal to the day when I'm better, or something close to that. I wonder just how entertaining that will be...

TGIF

Finally, it's the end of the week. Currently, my mom and my grandma are roadtripping to K-State to pick up my older sister. Once she gets home, she and are going to have some bonding time while we shop at Wally-World. I'm on a mission to get a few things befor the retreat this weekend.

Speaking of retreats....we leave at 4 pm this afternoon. I'm really excited to get away, and i'm pretty stoked that my bff Lydia is going AND Whitney, Kelly, and my mom ad sisters. It's going to be an epic weekend. I wish that more of my senior friends were going, but I'm determined to make the most of my time there. Besides...it's my last one and it would be a shame to miss out on all there is because i'm sad some people are missing.

So forget about them, forget about the people I text. Just focus on me and God and my life. Fellowship with those that are there and make new friends.

a sweet and bitter providence

Thank goodness this week has gone by pretty quickly. I can't stand it when the days just creep by - I start going stir-crazy!

Well last night we finsihed our talk on college in my small group biblestudy. we decided that each of the senior girls was going to pick an Old Testament book and teach on it for one - maybe two- weeks. I decided on Ruth, because I love that story♥ but also because my mom is currently reading A Sweet and Bitter Providence by John Piper. I figured if the book was lying around the house, I could use it to gain some thoughts. We'll see how it goes!

Future snapshot

So I've been thinking ahead to the next couple of weeks, and just for kicks and giggles I'm going to give everyone a snapshot of what's going to be happening in my life.

This week, I work tonight & tuesday. Wednesday I have biblestudy and thursday I have piano in the afternoon. But Friday, at 4 p.m. I am leaving on our spring retreat with my youth group. It's gonna be interesting because I might be the only senior girl that's going, but at the same time it's an awesome opportunity to get to know the younger students. I'm really looking forward to the time to get away from my busy life here at home and to be given time to just focus all of my attention on God. it's sad, because I should be doing that anyways, but I come up with all sorts of excuses.

The plan is to get back from Westminster Woods (retreat location) around 12 p.m. on Sunday. If this is the case, then I'll be going to WWE (Wichita Wind Ensemble) reh that afternoon. But that night, my cousin Emily is coming into town. She lives in NC and we never get to see her! So i'm stoked about that. ANd then it's a repeated week of work and school. Our spring break actually starts on Friday, and Saturday I have my oconcert rehearsal. Then the concert is at 2 p.m.on Sunday at Friends University!! It's the very last one that I will be apart of and that alone makes me extremely happy - hope that's not a bad thing ;)

A giant mess of clay

it's a beautiful day! that's all i have to say about that

Last night was a lot of fun!i went with Jay to the musical at Trinity. They did such an awesome job!

You'll never guess what I did today! During advocacy at school I went to pottery class (i'm not even in pottery & i've never done it before in my life). My friend Josh was teaching me how to make a pot, which then turned into a bowl, which then turned into a big mess of clay. It was a lot of fun to get messy, but I am not that kind of an artist.

Well I have work tonight - blah. It's going to be busy, i just know it because of the good weather today and it being a friday night before the weekend. I hope it goes by quickly! i have a list of things i want to get done tomorrow :) Let's hope i get that far!

I love it that I have two classes where I'm on computers the entire time. It makes it really easy for me to write new posts on here. Thank you Heights!

We're supposed to get more little snow flurries tonight and tomorrow - LAME. I can't seem to stress enough how ready i am for warm and sunny weather. The other day, I actually thought that if i painted my nails hot pink, it would feel more like spring/summer. Unfortunately the pink shade of nail polish i found was dried up, so i couldn't use it.

Tonight i'm going to see OKLAHOMA, Trinity Academy's musical. I have friends that are in it and i absolutely love this show, so i'm excited to go and watch them in it. I still crack up whenever the characters randomnly burst into song though. That's something my mom will ALWAYS laugh at....which in turn makes me laugh even more :D

Blue Skies

It looks absolutely beautiful outside! I don't know what it is, but there's something about the weather that affects my personality. Maybe it's the fact that for the past few months, it's been freakishly cold outside with grey clouds that fill up the entire sky. But when the sun is shining and the sky is a gorgeous blue, everything that's going on in my life that dissappoints me, it suddenly doesn't matter! For cryin out loud, the sky is BLUE - I have nothing to complain about!

I was up til about midnight last night, trying to have a hardcore study session because of those tests. Turns out I only had one...and I have time to study for it too! Why I stress myself out about these things, I have no idea.

Top Secret Pow Wows

Words cannot explain how tired i am right now. I got to come home early, but i've been doing homework ever since. It's getting ridiculous! I have two tests tomorrow that i NEED to study for, and i have zero time to do it. This just in - life is not fair.

oh AND i can't even study hardcore tonight, because i have to work. I work at Cold Stone Creamery (ice cream) and while i could be at home studying my butt off to get A's, i have to go to work where we make fat people fatter!!....ugh...more fat.

I think that Senior year, we shouldn't have homework at all. And if we MUST have tests, then they shouldn't give them on the same day as everyone other teacher. It's like they all get together and have top secret pow wows to figure out how they can make their sudent's lives completely miserable. They use our number one hatred against us - schoolwork. the nerve...

Just a thought

For the record, I would love to get a little baby Koala bear for Christmast!! They are so adorable

Pretty Picture?

The above photo is one of my senior pictures. I was racking my brain last night trying to come up with a cute color pallette for my blog to make it look awesome. I had wanted to put up some kind of picture that reflected me in some way, and i saw that photo in my files. I was trying something out when i put it up there, but i thought it looked really cool with the bright yellow flowers. I'm wondering if it makes me look a little concieted, because that's the very last thing i want. If you think it makes me look vain, then by all means tell me! And i'll fix it immediately. BTW: Laura Rhoades Photography took those pictures and she did SUCH an amazing job!!

i'm in my YEK class again - feeling a bit like crap. My nose is runny, i'm coughing, i have the worst most horrible cramps in the history of cramps,and it's snowing AGAIN.

I don't know what it is about Kansas weather, but i am sick and tired of it. I look forward to winter for Christmas, but once december is over, it's just time to be done with it. Spring, feel free to come STAT!

What a weekend!

Sorry i did make a new update for a few days. I've been working a lot more at nights, so between that and homework I've been a busy gal!

It was great to see my sister again! Her audiions at Friends went well and she'll hear back from them in a few weeks. I hope she can get some good scholarship money from them. That would certainly be helpful. :) but i'll see her again in a few weeks. We're both going on the sring retreat with the youth group from church to Westminster Woods. Good memories from that place...

Today I finally got baptized! Me and my sister Jessica decided to do it together. i actually woke up sick and had to fight to get out of bed in order to actually go to church. But i made it and now i'm pooped. I mean,when you're sick the last thing you want to do is go anywhere or even do homework for that matter! Lucky me - i had to do both...but I skipped out on Wichita Wind Ensemble rehearsal today, which helped. It gave me to time to just relax for a bit. Well I'm off to go and finsh some more homework!

more about me...

Just to clarify the title on my account..."I am not my own" to me, means that my life belongs to Christ - not me. If you didn't know me you'd probably think that i meant that my life sucked, my parents control me...or you know, something totally ridiculous like that. When in reality, it's just the opposite! I have a great family, a great life, an even greater God and I am completely satisfied with myself and who i am.

and that was just a snapshot! Buti can't go into more details.I have to go and pick up my younger sister from school and then it's onward to a wisdom teeth consultation :/ not sure how I feel about that....

Take Two

Ok- so this is the second blog I've created. My first epically failed! I'm determined to actually log-in to this one and update as often as I can.

Right now I'm at school and am supposed to be working on something for my YEK (Youth Entreprenuers of Kansas) class. It's not due for another few days, so I have some time. During days like this, I like to take my ipod to school and listen to it in class. Me being me, forgot to grab my headphones.....again. I can remember the ipod, but i forget the headphones!

So excited! My sister, Käte, is coming back home from K-state tonight. She's transferring to Friends University next fall and is auditioning for band/choir this weekend. So my dad's going up and getting her after he gets off work. He asked me to come with, but I'm not sure I can. I have piano lessons and homework junk to finish up. Next time though!......on second thought....they'll be eating dinner in Aagyville. Free dinner...or homework??